Dogwater Soup

What is essentially supposed to be the best of Vancouver indie rock (well according to CFOX) rapidly became an huge disappointment as I witnessed some of the most pathetic attempts at rock music I have ever seen in my many decades on this planet. So much so I wasn’t even going to waste my time writing this but was encouraged by a friend who felt the same way I did about tonights “performances” at the Commodore in Vancouver.

First of all, lets consider where all these bands got their “ticket to ride” tonight. CFOX, 99.3 the be all and end all of Vancouver rock radio here in Vancouver has a contest every year to see who the next big rock band out of Vancouver is going to be. IE: Look up and refer to Knickleback.
This is a radio station I pretty much stopped listening to way back when I grew hair on my balls and realized I can make my own decisions. They’re nothing more than a corporate run cesspool of mediocrity. Oh, but they pretend that they support local music,..yes, you support local music alright, just ask Todd Hancock about Jet Black Stare and you’ll soon realize how “supportive” they are. Speaking of Todd,…well more like Todd and Karen, I once had the displeasure of listening to these two while leaving my house and the getting stuck in traffic. When I hopped in my truck there was a song on CFOX (in my truck is the only time I listen to the radio and that’s only when I have forgotten to grab my Ipod) after 45 mins the song that was playing when I got in my truck was the only actual music I’d heard. The rest of that time was filled with complete and useless drivel by two people I (at that point) would have been more entertained had they’d be hunted live on radio by some deranged redneck with a sawed off shotgun, a job I would have volunteered for.

Anyway, I digress. This Seeds fiasco tonight is what I originally logged on for tonight. Let me also state that I went into tonights show NEVER seeing or hearing any of these bands before. I was a set of fresh ears for any one of them to lay claim to and I really deep down wanted to be impressed by at least one of them.
The big event tonight was essentially the finale to a competition to decide who would be the “big Seeds band of 2008″. The final five bands had a chance to perform and the winner would be picked before the Thornley show which closed out the night (Thank Christ for some redemption).

The first band on was Innocent Bystander whom pretty much lived up to their name as from what I could tell they weren’t a contender in this whole clusterfuck in the least. About as much of a threat to the other four bands as my grandma back in Chilliwack and as about as exciting. You’d think that after being offered a chance to really kick your bands career into motion (according to CFOX) you might step up your game a little. As an opening band wouldn’t it be pertinent to “set the fucking bar” for the other bands? Now don’t get me wrong, I am acquaintances with one of the guys in this band and I do respect him immensely, but seriously. I heard no memorable songs, I saw no energy except for a lead singer pacing back and forth between guitar players and a drummer who looked and played awkwardly like he wanted to be the Rikki Rocket of the new millennium. Next.

Was Versus the Nothing. To me these guys were the real deal. Maybe not the best real deal around but at least they were doing what seemed natural to them and doing it fairly well. As far as songs go, nothing memorable. They had a good time rocking out on stage and seemed to be happy and genuine in their delivery of what got them there in the first place. By the end of the night they essentially were my first pick although that’s not saying much.

Then came Jordan Carrier. Never heard of him or his apparent seminal 90’s Vancouver band Cozybones. The guys backing band was great but his vocals and songs left me feeling somewhat suicidal. Like my friend said if I had to pick between an eternity of this guys voice and nails on a chalkboard I’d pick nails on a chalkboard. After now two let downs in a row and two songs by this guy I decided I need to start drinking heavily.

Forth up was Incura. Oh how I’ve heard about Incura in the past few months. Incura this, Incura that, Oh Kyle from Incura blah blah blah. I soon realized I didn’t give a shit which one was Kyle as the front three guys of this band all had the same fucking haircut, and all dressed the same. What is this, the emo fucking Monkeys? Oh wait, even the Monkeys didn’t look the same. If I wanted to listen to a “My Chemical Romance” clone band I would have stayed home and listened to My Chemical Romance. I’ve heard flavors of the week that tasted more original than this lot, but hey, they had their punters out in full force and that’s all that counts I guess. Again, no memorable songs but a lot of jumping around and screamo. It’s pretty pathetic when even the ex-girlfriend that the singer disses from stage thinks they’re the best band on the bill.

Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, came Cold Driven. What small town rock did CFOX find these douche bags under? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for rocking out and putting on a good show….if it’s genuine. Innocent Bystander couldn’t find their game but these guys….what the fuck? This band looked like they sat for the last six months, forks in eyes, holding them open ala Clockwork Orange in front of rock video after rock video ingesting every lame, cliché rock move ever invented. These guys were so over the top they were one step short of fighting for the stage spotlight (which there wasn’t one). The guitar players were trying so hard to be the guy furthest at the front of the stage, standing and posing on the monitors that the singer quickly became fucking invisible. Same goes for the “keyboardist”, using the term loosely. He looked more like a head banging mascot then anything else, out on the front of the stage posing with the guitar players more than he actually played his keyboards. I have never seen so much “pose and point” in all my life (and I’ve seen Judas Priest live). And the pathetic part was,…they were doing it to each other, not the crowd. I have played in a band where the guitar player has actually inflicted and been diagnosed with self induced whiplash after years of head whips but never have I seen this type of overblown try-hard bullshit.
If this is what CFOX deems as the best in BC or Vancouver indie rock it’s a no wonder they’re drowning in their own mediocrity. I wouldn’t download any of these bands for free let alone pay for their music, and if it came on the radio I’d turn it off.

The best part of tonight was the closing band, Ian Thornley and his band. A guy that won me over back in the late 90’s when the band I was in opened for them at Edgefest and again later in Montreal. I wonder how many of the Seeds bands tonight stuck around out front to check them out? They might have learned something about rock and roll, about class, about putting on a well delivered kick ass and genuine show. Or were they all in the back soaking in their own egos?

Congrats to Incura for a stellar win tonight,…I know first hand how stiff the competition was, your grandmas and ex-girlfriends will be proud.

Lets get the facts straight shall we.

I was a bicycle courier in Vancouver for three years, after which I became a car courier for health reasons (I fucked up my back). Back then I had to take a licensing TEST before I could be a bicycle courier. Yes, that’s right, so I knew what the rules of the road were. The problem with that is other people on bikes didn’t have a clue. Nor did most drivers in vehicles. Based on the ranting going on in here, they still don’t.

The LAW states bikes are not NOT allowed to ride on the sidewalk. End of fucking story.

This now sends them into the streets and roadways (where they belong) but most don’t have a clue how they’re supposed to conduct themselves. The fact of the matter is you are now on the road like a car, obligated to abide by the same rules as a car. If you have a drivers license to drive a car you have no excuse for being a moron on a bicycle. If you’ve never owned a car and don’t have a clue, read this: http://www.bikesense.bc.ca/appendices.htm#law before going anywhere!

Back in my courier days when the crunch came down and time was not on my side I did some crazy shit. I also got nailed for it. Got a “running a red light” ticket and fine just the same as if I had been in a car.

What part of the problem is, is the fact that people on bikes seem to be either from group(a) or group(b). Group A. are the ones that are scared shitless when on the road with traffic around them. These are usually the idiots on the sidewalk. These people should either get some balls, learn their rights and get moving, or leave the bike at home.
Group B., well they’re the holier than thou bunch of assholes that think because they’re “being green” the rest of us are scum and have no rights. This attitude is usually backed by complete ignorance of the traffic rules. When it comes to bikes on the road, a lot of drivers suffer from this as well, I’ll get to that.

Then there are a few of us in Group C. We are the ones that know the traffic rules, know how traffic works/flows and have the confidence and acute where-with-all to get ourselves from point A to B without running down some old lady on the sidewalk, getting killed or pissing off people in cars. You know what the secret to this is? Ride on the road (like the law states). Be completely aware of your surroundings at all times, with 60 percent of your attention on what’s in front of you, 20 percent on what’s going on to your left and 20 percent to what’s going on to the right. What about “behind you” you ask? Fuck behind you. If you’re actually riding your bike and not taking it for a walk you should be moving with the flow of traffic to the point where anything that’s going on behind you is of minimal concern. Your attention should be on what is happening or may happen in front of you.

If you’re on the road you use lanes like you would in a car. If there is a right turn lane coming up on the right, don’t stay to the right, move over into the through lane like you would in a car. Use the left turn lanes like you would in a car. It’s people that get freaked out about being on the road that piss drivers off. If you’re coming up to a light and there are cars in front of you all waiting, stay in your lane in the order you would had you been driving a car. Don’t scoot along the curb so that you’re first in line when the light turns green. This WILL and does justifiably piss drivers off because if they just took the care and attention to correctly go around you, they don’t want to do it again. Think of yourself as a slow moving vehicle, end of story.

If some asshole in a car IS riding your ass in traffic trying to make you move. Hold your ground, continue moving forward and give him the finger. You’re in the right, he’s just a dick.

Now, some brush up bitch slapping for the people in cars.

A PERSON ON A BICYCLE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO TAKE UP SPACE IN A LANE JUST AS A CAR, BUS, TRUCK OR MOTORCYCLE. GET USED TO IT.

If you don’t like how “slow” they are, lift your little finger, put on that signal light, change lanes and go around them just like you would granny in a Cadillac. It’s the fucking law.

Basically what it comes down to, Bicyclists need to be 100% educated on the rules of the road and not be chicken shit scared little pussies while riding. Cars need to cut them some slack and also learn to treat them simply as slower moving vehicles and not some annoyance to intimidate.

I’ll tell you one thing, if every one rode like a “responsible” bike courier does, there would only be a few pissed off drivers, the really ignorant dumb ones. The kind that back in the day, were the ones that would get mirror polo’ed at the next light.

Have a nice day, be kind and ride safe.

I was out for beers with my friend Mark tonight and we were talking about the fact that to succeed in certain (or most) endeavors that we take in our lives we must at some point succumb to “the game” and play it to get to where we want to be and get what we want out of our time here.

If we look at our lives like the NHL this is what I see. There are the few elite (using the term loosely) who own the teams, they have control over almost any aspect of us regardless (IE: government) weather we like it or not. Then there are the managers and the coaches all there to make things happen the way they see fit based on what the “man” wants. Then there are the players, guys who have fought tooth and nail to make it to where they are. If they’re lucky they have a good run on a good team and make a shit load of money and perhaps eventually get a shot at coaching or managing a team later on in life. These are the guys that deserve success. Not just in a direct hockey context but in a general life context. Those of us who fight to do something different with our lives, our time and our energy deserve, in the bigger picture some sort of pay-off.

Now we look at the arenas and the people that clean the stands, mop the floors, serve the spectators popcorn, hot dogs and over-priced beer etc. Those, as with a lot of the spectators are 80 percent of the rest of the population. The working stiff with mere hopes and dreams that most will never see the light of day due to the paths we’ve chosen, debt, kids, life etc. Is this the end? Are we all destined to be mere hot dog vendors in the larger game of life? I don’t think so.

I have plans in the works to at least throw my hat in the ring and give the game a shot. Definitely not in the hockey sense because anyone that knows me knows that would just result in a wheezing pile of nerd on the ice. I think we should all, in our time, give our dreams and our goals a chance in whatever form they may be. But like in Hockey, you can’t score if you’re not playing the game.

Well apparently things have changed extensively since I was a kid or maybe I just worked for a really good car dealership.

While growing up I worked at a Toyota dealership in Chilliwack, B.C. I started as a lot boy, later on to be a detailer/undercoat applicator. In my time there I learned a lot about customer service. I learned that when some spends thousands of dollars on a new or used car it’s usually a big step, a large purchase and these people are to be treated with respect and given the best service possible. When someone brought their new purchase in for anything after the initial purchase, when the work was done the mechanics would drive it into my wash bay and I’d give it a quick wash and once over before taking it out to the customer.

Well, recently I bought a used 2007 Nissan Xterra from Morrey Nissan Burnaby. I needed something for remote road trips and to carry my drums around in. Other than that I don’t drive much. As part of the sales pitch I was shown the “Certified Nissan Checklist” that is apparently done on all used cars at Nissan dealerships. So with a little more confidence in the vehicle I was looking at I went further and eventually bought it. Part of my “deal” was them throwing in a retractable cargo cover for the back so I can cover my photo gear when traveling. I was told by my salesman Brian Tull that they had to order it and he’d call me when it arrived. As I picked up the car he then notified me that there was only one key and that he’d order a new one. We agreed as I left that when both items where in he’d call me.

I leave the dealership and start traveling to a friend’s place for dinner. On the way I notice that there is a warning light for the tire pressure. I pull into the next gas station, look in the manual to find out exactly what this meant and continued to check the tire pressure as advised. I Checked and topped up all the tires and continued on my way,…the light didn’t go off, nothing had changed.

The next day I was looking through the truck and noticed a couple small things that were missing, a small rubber stopper on the hatch door, and a broken latch hook on the shallow back cargo area. I called Brian and notified him of these things that need to be fixed. We agreed that when the key, key fob, and cargo cover where in I’d make an appointment and come in for everything.

I then proceeded to send Brian an email so he had a point form list of everything we had talked about. Then,…I waited.

In the meantime my good friends Miguel and Tanya went to the same dealership and bought their Xterra from a salesman named Carlos (apparently one there that gives a shit). Two days later they got their spare key and the cargo cover they decided to also purchase. Me, well I continued to wait for Brian to call me about mine. I gave it a couple of days and called. Brian was not in that day so I left a message. Two more days and I had heard nothing.

I call again, get a hold of Brian and he lets me know that everything is there so I make my appointment for 3 pm a couple days later. I also ask about the fact that my keyless key fob quit working and he says to go to London Drugs and get a new watch type battery that goes inside it.

Two days later I get there right at 3, I take my keys to the service manager and he walks me through what they have in the work order. Check the tire pressure warning light, new second key and key fob, and retractable cargo cover. I also let him know about the latch on the other cargo lid and he puts it in the work order.

I was told my truck would be ready around 4:30. At 4:45 I went to the service office again and was told there was an issue with the cargo cover and it will be about 15 more minutes. I went back to the showroom and sat down. While waiting I over heard some of a conversation where my name was brought up. I later found out that the cargo “latch” repair was not cleared by the boss and he had an issue with it. So on my time they worked it out between the two of them. I was soon also told that the tire pressure warning light was on because there were two sensors that were failing and they have to order them in. At 5:20 pm, twenty minutes after I was to pick-up my date for the evening I got my dirty truck back and told that when the sensors come in I’ll get a call for a re-booking to replace the faulty ones. The faulty ones that should have been fucking replaced during the “Certified Nissan Check” before the fucking truck was put on the lot.

So over almost two and half hours I got a new key and key fob, a rubber stopper, a new cargo door and they popped the retractable cargo cover into place. My dead key fob was also given back to me, still dead. According to my salesman Nissan doesn’t carry batteries for their key fobs.

Late for my date I got into my dirty truck and made my way back home, the 40 minute drive I’ll have to make twice more when they get my tire sensors in. Good thing I don’t have to wiat for a phone call from Brian for these as the service guy is calling me,…or supposedly is.

It’s a good thing I haven’t gone to London Drugs yet to get the new battery for my first keyfob as it seems the second one is already dead too.

Thanks Brian and Morrey Nissan!! You guys do a real stand-up job.