Hello again, my faithful readers! Hopefully, the whole issue of needing to log in in order to comment has been fixed, and you may feel free to tell me that I am a hack and that I am writing to hear myself speak. (Nevermind that I can’t hear a god damn thing except the clicking of the keyboard….but I digress. Ya like digress? Word of the day toilet paper)
The reason I’m taking the time to sit down and pound out a few words is that I recieved another phone call in the looooong line of phone calls I’ve received over the years, telling me that another friend of mine is in jail. I guess I should start at what I perceive to be the beginning of this sordid little tale, right? OK, but only because I like you people, and I feel like you deserve the full bit.
A couple of years ago, I worked for a company; let’s call it JC Schmenny. I helped to train a young man who I felt had potential. He was a first time LP manager, working in a brand new store. He was young (which is why I call him a young man, obviously. Will you shut up and let me finish? Thank you.) He also reminded me a great deal of me when I was his age. You see, I had a guy who took me under his wing and taught me to be a good manager. Since I’ve always felt that karma sometimes needs a little help to come around, I decided to give it an encouraging push, and do the same for this young man.
He was eager to learn, and he had a great eye for thieves. (You may think it’s easy to spot them, but trust me when I say please, for the love of all that is holy, SHUT UP!) He learned quickly, and became a top notch LP.
About the same time that I lost my job with Schmenny’s, so did he. The Great Recession of 2009 had kicked in, and the company felt that since the nation was having such a hard time buying things, they should get rid of a lot of the people who helped to keep people from stealing them. (Please don’t ask me to justify their logic, I have raved about this before. If you are a new reader, I sincerely hope that you will catch-the-fuck-up.)
While we were both unemployed, he went through some tough times. The beer and the stress pulled a number on him, and he needed a little help. I was always supportive, and I felt bad for him and his family. Although I knew he had a problem, I kept myself to myself. I tried to tell him if he ever needed me, I would be there for him. He didn’t always listen, but that is sometimes a cost of being young and knowing every damn thing.
He finally wised up. It took his wife leaving him and taking the kids, but sometimes that really is what it takes. Such was the case here. My friend entered rehab, got his metaphoric (if I keep using this toilet paper, I’m going to run out of things to say that will impress y’all) shit together, and got better.
When I found a job, I did what I always do. I tried to look out for a friend in need. He was working a job he hated, so I helped him get an interview. He got the job all on his own, but I did what I felt karma required of me. In the past year, he has done a great job of showing me that he may not have been worth the trouble. He’s taken advantage of my friendship, and at times, has completely forgotten that I am his friend. He has gotten upset at me for doing my job, even though I explained to him many times that our friendship has nothing to do with work.
I’ve gleaned some info here and there, and I knew he had been drinking again, but his wife had come home, they were doing fine, and she wasn’t concerned. I know better, I really do, but I decided to trust her judgement.
Tonight, at 1:00 am, his wife called me to tell me that he would not be in to work tomorrow. Now, I am not mentally challenged. I’m actually a pretty damn good interviewer. After a few minutes of conversation, here is what I discovered:
My friend has an anger management issue. He has, in the past, pushed, shoved, and thrown things at his wife. Tonight, when he did so, in front of his kids, she called the police. He used his position (as well as my name) to try to keep himself from being arrested. Then, for a reason known only to his dumb assed self, he refused to cooperate with the officers, and caught a domestic charge, along with a possible delay and obstruct.
As a good friend, I try not to throw too many questions when my people tell me they are in jail, but this time, I am torn. I grew up in abuse. I’ve seen the damage it can do. I am so completely opposed to violence against women,(Unless they are swinging at you, in which case I recommend pretending they have a penis, and knocking them the fuck out), I cannot begin to explain to you how angry and disappointed I am in this guy.
Tomorrow, I have to call my boss, and explain to him that the guy I vouched for is in jail. Oh, yay. That’s gonna be a fun phone call.
Anyway, the whole point of venting this out, is so that I can spew my philosophy on marital violence. I believe that if the person you are married to raises a hand to you, you should leave. I also feel that if they make you want to raise a hand to them, you should leave. There is no excuse for slapping your partner around, not when so many people in this world need a good smacking and go without. It’s wasteful. Fair distribution of the smackings, that’s all I want. Fuck world peace, the environment, health care, that’s for people with way more influence and money than I have. I just want the people who deserve smackings to get them, and the ones that don’t not to. Is this too much to ask?
I know, I know. Some of you are thinking, dude, you have been in tons of shit relationships, how dare you give advice? My answer to those of you thinking that is, suck me sideways. I freely admit my judgment in women has not always been top shelf. But I have yet to reach out and smack, shove, push, pull, hit, kick, or otherwise assault her, or any other person who shares my life. That is why I am comfortable in speaking my mind on the issue.
Now I have to decide. Am I the good friend that I try to be if I give this guy another second chance to fuck my good will over? Or am I betraying myself by doing so? That’s a tough call, and not one I’m willing to make at 2:30 in the morning, but I’ll tell you this: I do not see myself ever condoning this. Blame it on the booze, the parents, the TV, I don’t care. He betrayed the trust I put in him, by doing something stupid, and then trying to use my name and our professional reputation to get out of it. My professional call is easy. He did something outside of work that affects his ability to remain employed in a field where we have to remain beyond reproach. I didn’t do it, he did. Not only should I, I HAVE to notify my boss about it. What happens from there is not up to me.
The personal question, do I remain his friend, or write him off? Now, that’s the real choice I have to make. I always thought that that choice was made the minute you decide to be someones friend, but now? Now I’m not so sure. I mean, I want things to be OK for him, but I don’t have to stand by and let him use our friendship to try and pull himself out of the mess he’s made for himself. And the fact that I’m not certain? It kills me a little inside, and I’m pissed at him for that, too.
Time for the Nugget, and then some deep thinking – I have two that jump to mind tonight. First is my own paraphrasing of a line I read in a book once, for you faithful readers, you know which one I mean, because I say it often:
The only real choice we have in life is our friends. You are born to your family, your heart chooses who you love, and the people you work with are dictated by your skills. The only real choice you can make is who you call your friend.
All of that sentimental crap aside, here’s another, much older saying:
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice……shame on me. I pride myself on not being fooled. When a basic character flaw like this goes unnoticed (or ignored) by me, it fucks with my perceptions, twists my feelings, and leaves me with very little
PEACE
I hadn’t had one in a few years. It’s funny how my memory fails me when it comes to medical tests. There’s always this converstion:
